How About Retraining People Who DIDN'T Get Us Into This Mess???

New York to Retrain Laid-Off Wall Streeters

By PATRICK McGEEHAN

Published: February 18, 2009

Just as Michigan is scrambling to retrain laid-off auto workers, New York City officials have come up with a plan to find new work for the unemployed from one of its core industries: financial services.

Under a program unveiled on Wednesday by Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, the city wants to invest $45 million in government money to retrain investment bankers, traders and others who have lost jobs on Wall Street, as well as provide seed capital and office space for new businesses those laid-off bankers might create.

Full Article> 

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/19/nyregion/19bankers.html?hp

The Separation Agreement (Its Just Not Working Out)

At the time of my being laid off, I was handed a thick packet of papers.  Included in this packet (which was nestled in a lacquered folder bearing graphics and images representing the company and probably cost a week's salary to make) was what is called a separation agreement.

Now, I'm sure many of you have received this lovely little list.  Ready to be signed and erase culpability and the potential for future legal action from the proverbial docket.   In essence, my former employer was telling me that the relationship just wasn't working out and there would be no alimony.

I must be honest, I merely skimmed this agreement upon receiving it.  It restated much of what was discussed during my time in the conference room, but in legalese. 

I must also be honest, I did not immediately sign this agreement and return it in a timely manner.  Reason being?  I simply forgot.  

And so, I received a bevy of phone calls from a woman in the HR department whose voice tonality mimicked that of a mental patient post full frontal lobotomy.   She always called from an "unavailable" number, prompting me to send the anynomous incoming calls straight to voicemail.

Here is the general trajectory of her messages...

Message 1:

 "This is a message for Perseus LaFond.  This is Monotone Sally calling from (former employer) regarding your separation agreement.  In order for final processing to occur and for you to receive the remainder of your severance, we need to receive a notarized copy of the separation agreement presented to you immediately.  We need a hard copy, not a scanned or faxed copy in order to complete the processing."

Message 2:

"This is Monotone Sally calling for Perseus LaFond.  Perseus we have yet to receive a copy of your notarized separation agreement and cannot complete processing until we do so.  Please send right away.  You have already passed the date at which processing is ideal."

Message 3:

"Mr. LaFond, this is Monotone Sally, yet again, calling in regard to the separation agreement you have and we need.  Please either mail or fax a copy so that we can finally finish processing."

Message 4: 

"Mr. LaFond, frankly I'm sick of calling you, but its my job and I derive very little pleasure from my job.  To be honest, I derive very little pleasure from my life in general.  That said, would you PLEASE drop a notarized copy of your little separation agreement in the mail so that I don't have to keep dialing your number (which I've memorized)?

Message 5:

"Listen fuck-face, send us the agreement and we'll send you a check.  Money.  You like money, don't you??  This is your old friend, Monotone Sally from (former employer).

Message 6:

"You know what Perseus?  Why don't you go ahead and keep the separation agreement.  Shit, I'll even send you a frame so that you can hang it over the cardboard box you are probably living in at this point.  You know who this is.

Message 7:

"The separation agreement or your spleen. Your call.  My brother Rocco is sharpening his shiv as I speak.  Kisses!  Sally

Heh, you said "Stimulus Package"

With unprecedented urgency and swiftness, Congress has managed to move a stimulus bill through the rusty pipes of bureacracy. Will it be effective?  Only time will tell.

But, dear readers, one thing can be sure, its gonna take some time.  

Most companies are still scaling back and looking at diminished profits.  And after over half a million employees were laid off last month, I don't think we should be so naive as to assume that this month's numbers will be far different.

That said (and pardon my more stoic demeanor in this post.  Don't worry, wry will return) President Obama is highlighting "saving or creating over 4 million jobs."  The most detailed way he is proposing to do this is through the creation of positions involved in infrastructure building.  That means folks brandishing shovels and mixing cement.  Building actual bridges and tunnels, and repairing roads.  

I am a staunch advocate of Barack Obama and feel he is exactly what this country, and quite possibly the world, needs at this precise moment in history.  That said, I wonder how many folks that were recently laid off are willing to pick up a shovel or mix cement.  My thinking is, not many.

Americans seem to scoff at the idea of manual, blue collar labor.  Let the immigrants do it.  An interesting impasse might occur if things don't shape up in the near future, however.  

If helping repair pot holes and laying brick is too strenuous or undesirable for someone with a masters degree, what happens?  Isn't some job better than no job?  

There is something to be said about getting your hands dirty.  About a strong work ethic.  

I was at a local pizza place a week ago and ordered a chicken parm hero.  The only employees working were two Mexican gentleman roughly the same age as me (late twenties).  They were cleaning up and preparing to close, having shut down the oven.  I didn't realize the oven was already turned off when I ordered the sandwich and felt a bit inconsiderate when I did.  I told them not to worry about it, I had thought they were still serving.

The gentleman from whom I ordered said "No.  No worries" and proceeded to crank up the oven again and meticulously prepare a chicken parm hero for me.   He didn't sigh.  He didn't shake his head.  He didn't rush through the process.  He prepared the sandwich as he might have four hours earlier, taking particular care in each step of this seemingly mundane task.  I took note and appreciated it immensely (I also tipped him).

I realized that this gentleman would most assuredly have no qualms about picking up a shovel or mixing cement, and he would probably do a damn good job at it.

Unfortunately, I am not so optimistic about the rest of us.

But, what about the galas daddy???

Read this little gem of an article in the NY Times today entitled 

"Trying to Live on 500 K"

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/08/fashion/08halfmill.html?em

I cannot even begin to express the overwhelming sense of sympathy I feel for the people featured.

All pithiness aside, Allen Salkin strikes the perfect tone.  It is a deft, subtle piece of tongue-in-cheek reporting and I must commend Mr. Salkin for holding his own views below the surface, allowing them to peak through at just the right moments.

I am also well aware of the "relative" nature of things, but, COME ON!