And so, the HR specialist I have aptly dubbed "Enis" continued speaking to me. She was very calm and succinct, describing exactly what was happening and why.
It was similar to a mother describing to her son what happens to his pet hamster after it dies.
"So, Jimmy, Mr.Funkychunks isn't dead. He is just on a big hamster wheel in the sky, running with all of the other hamsters in hamster heaven."
And, just like Jimmy, I was too overwhelmed by what was actually occurring to listen to the explanation being delivered.
Instead I just heard my internal voice repeating "I'm being laid off. I'm being laid off. Holy fuck. I'm actually being laid off."
Enis continued explaining, the words melding together into an amorphous din. "Blah Blah - turn in your key card - Blah Blah - health insurance is up at the end of the month - Blah Blah - Cobra - Blah Blah - you must sign this, acknowledging that we spoke - Blah Blah - an empty box will be provided for your personal effects."
This last part caught my attention.
"An empty box?" I asked.
Enis stopped speaking, surprised that she had jarred me out of my layoff induced stupor.
"Yes" she replied "An empty box for your things. In your office."
I laughed. The thought of riding the NYC subway home after being laid off, in the midst of massive citywide lay offs, holding a box with all of the shit from my office clinking around in it was absurdly amusing.
Could they possibly be any more insensitive? Do I want an empty box. Jesus-tap-dancing Christ.
I responded to Enis with a sarcastic inquiry "Do I get a t shirt that says 'Just Been Laid Off' in addition to the empty box?"
She was dumbfounded, or at least appeared so.
Her brow furrowed. She adjusted her glasses and cocked her head, as if to say "Well, I've never been asked that question before. And I've been telling people they are being laid off for several decades now."
She pondered my question for a few moments more. I finished my coffee, smiling at old Enis.
"No" she finally said "We don't have any such t shirts."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Anyone know of the origin of the "pink slip"?
ReplyDeleteDuring my own "it not you, it's your position" situation, I never actually received one. I obviously virtually received one, but not a tangible one. Anyone ever receive one? I don't think they actually exist. Anyone?
Thanks to my own recent experience in being lay off grist for the bloated profit wheel, I find your tales of "Enis" eerily reminiscent. Thankfully I was spared being being paraded out for the slaughter but alas I was not spared the tears of my supervisor who cried so hard during MY termination that I almost felt obliged to offer comfort while in the midst of my own surreality. Really - would I be expected to soothingly say "I'm sorry this is so hard for YOU?".....
ReplyDeleteHere's what Wiki says about the ol pink slip>
ReplyDeletePink slip refers to the American practice, by a personnel department, of including a discharge notice (printed on pink paper) in an employee's pay envelope to notify the worker of his or her termination of employment or layoff.[1] According to an article in The New York Times, the editors of the Random House Dictionary dated the term to at least 1910.[1] Originally the color of the paper had no particular significance. In the UK and Ireland the equivalent of a pink slip is a P45, in Belgium the equivalent is known as a C4.
-It seems the pink slip dates back to a time before people like "Enis" and "sensitivity training" existed. A time when men drank whiskey in the office and women prepared a sumptuous roast, while chain smoking and fantasizing about the latest blender to hit the market. ~P