Updating Your Res: Tip #2 - Pad That Sh*t!

Padding the resume, contrary to popular belief, does not mean "lying" about your qualifications, it merely means adding false value to your resume!  The key word in the phrase "false value" is "value!" And who doesn't want to add some value to their resume?

Lets look at Mike's resume as it stands>

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Michael Dentyne

209.434.2735

mdentyne@hotmail.com

Objective: To secure a position as a claims adjuster for a large insurance brokerage.

Professional Experience

Jan 06 - Jan 09    Assistant Claims Adjuster: Geico Insurance Inc.

- Responsible for assisting primary adjuster in assessing viability of damage claims

- Helped determine negligence on part of the policy holder and offer aid in payment practices

- Liase' between policy holder, non-policy holder and third party to determine culpability and 

fair assessment practices

...

Education: Walmont College, Laurenceville NH

Graduated: June 06, Bachelors in Business Management 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Now, I don't know about you, but I yawned at least three times while reading Michael's not-so-riveting resume.  And where does a resume such as this end up?  You guessed it: in the garbage!

Now, lets turn this zero resume into a hero resume!

First, we must determine what the problems are.  Then, we fix them!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Michael Dentyne - okay this name, not going to work.  You need to create a name that sounds cool such as:

Jett McSutherland 

or

Dirk Deathdealer

209.434.2735 - phone number is fine

mdentyne@hotmail.com - lame.  Firstly, don't even use your name.  Use something that captures the essence of who you are when creating the email address that will appear on your resume.  

Maybe try something like - whiskeylord69@gmail.com (nobody uses hotmail anymore!)

or

hoslayer@me.com

Objective: To secure a position as a claims adjuster for a large insurance...blah blah blah.  Make that shit active, homes!  And shoot for the stratosphere!  

Objective: To become the CEO of your insurance company and quadruple the salary of your current CEO, as well as kick some ass!

Now, on to what you did at your last job.  First. The title: change it!

Professional Experience

Jan 06 - Jan 09 - three years is paltry.  You worked at that place for ten.

Jan 1999 - Jan 09

Assistant Claims Adjuster: Geico Insurance - nope, try this:

CEO Squared: Geico Insurance and the known universe

- Responsible for assisting...yada yada yada.  Not going to work.  Throw all the descriptors out the window and replace with: 

- Ran Geico Insurance Incorporated.  During my tenure, I cut costs by one thousand percent.  I increased profits by three thousand percent and I saved a lot on my car insurance!

- Kicked ass and took names

And finally, your schooling.

Education: Walmont College, Lawrenceville NH - I'm sure "Walmont" College afforded you a rich liberal arts education, some deep philosophical discussions while strumming an acoustic Gibson and smoking copious amounts of marijuana, but the fact is, nobody knows what the fuck Walmont College is.  Secondly, "Lawrenceville NH"???? The population of an illegal two family house in NYC probably far exceeds that of "Lawrenceville NH."

So, lets pad that shit!

Education: The University of Oxford: Oxfordshire England

Degree in Quantum Mechanics and Financial Astrophysics

Now your resume is golden and instead of the rubbish bin, will end up on the top of any employer's pile!

Happy hunting, Dirk Deathdealer!