The Post Lay Off Bender - A National Tradition?

My thought process was quite linear after being unceremoniously ousted from my former place of employment - get blind, stinking drunk.

And so, after depositing my personal effects at my house, I immediately took to the highway and out to my aunt and uncle's home to drown my sorrows and test the capacity of my hardening liver. I could have called friends or a girlfriend (if I had one at the time), but serious times call for family.

Some time alone on the highway in my small, ancient car proved more of a hindrance than a help. Thoughts began to swirl in my mind, such as:

"Why me?"
"Did I fuck up?"
"Everyone liked me. Or, at least they pretended well."

Then rage, my old friend, showed up.

"Me. They let me go and they kept so and so. Not one executive assistant was let go. God forbid any of the top tier should have to make their own photocopies."

And

"Darlene. They kept stupid fucking Darlene! Darlene can barely form a sentence! She doesn't even do anything! Her mind is like a black hole!!! Dark matter into which all things are sucked! What is her position??? Oh! I know. Her position is: resident product of nepotism! That's her position! Her cousin or uncle or someone dropped a shit load of money into the company and now, little, lost Darlene needs a place to park her busted grill and, low and behold, its at the company. She's still there. But, of course she is!"

And (my personal favorite)

"What about salary reductions??? No one there has the skill set I have. If all the fat cats took a slight pay cut, countless positions could have been saved and more people would be enjoying the holidays, rather than deciding between the economy sized canister of Welbutrin or Zoloft on Christmas eve!"

As my rage sent the vein in my forehead a'thumpin', I hit a nice, thick cluster of traffic. I believe I yelped or some such at this point.

Thankfully I settled, arrived at my aunt and uncle's home and was sitting with a tall vodka and cranberry before the five o'clock news began.

When the anchor announced "...over half a million lay-offs in November alone!" I smiled cynically.

This was back in the beginning of December and I could only surmise what the numbers were going to be come January.

With this thought and the vodka settling sweetly in my head, I made the executive decision that "Tonight, I will not even think about my next move. Tonight, I will drink until I feel nothing but euphoria!"

And, so I did. Cheers!